Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Don't Drive in Doha

I have been experiencing the terror pleasure that is driving in Doha. You know you're a nation of bad drivers when even the politically correct United Nations bestows that title upon you. See Winnipeg? The UN never said we were a city of bad drivers. The rest of Canada is just terribly biased and we're greatly misunderstood. Besides, even the rudest chain smoking potty mouth on Portage Avenue doesn't hold a candle to one of the locals here. This is where it all comes out. See, I knew they couldn't be that happy and relaxed all the time - the ugly has to come out somewhere and it emerges with abundance on the approximately 2,354 roundabouts, which are found on every other block.

It's like Deathrace 2000 and Bladerunner all rolled up into one. There are some interesting traffic laws here, for instance, all non-Qataris must yield to the Qataris who always have the right of way by virtue of birth, even when you are rightfully traveling the right way down a one-way street. Seriously. I have heard about this over the years from many people who have lived in Qatar and now I am seeing it. If it wasn't for the fact that I was a non-Qatari in a moving vehicle last night, I might have found it really, really amusing, but I think I may have peed in the back seat of the big-arsed SUV I was in. If you are driving a vehicle and you are North American, European, Indian, Philipino, or anyone who is not Qatari, it is open season on you, and there are no catch limits.

Once the feral South Asian Land Rover has your scent, the chase is tenacious
Approximately 83.6% of the population drives big, bright white Land Rovers. OK, that isn't actually an official number, I just made that up, but I'm pretty sure it's close. "Watch to see when Erik pulls up" says my father as we waited for the driver (non-Qataris are greatly discouraged from driving and my father finally smartened up and made friends with one of the company drivers) to arrive. "He's driving a white SUV." Greeeeaaaaat. Like that'll stand out....the only thing that could have made it better would be if Erik drove a black Mercedes Benz. There are no normal cars here. Driving through residental areas is like being in a spy movie shot in some wealthy European city state. Everyone zips around in black luxury cars or the aforementioned white SUVs.

Anyway, enough with bashing the Qatari road culture, because I don't want the scooter boys to show up to my doorstep with cricket bats, looking for me. Ooooh.....I'm pushing it, aren't I? :D

We went to the Villagio Mall and this is where I wish I could have access to my phone because I would snapping and uploading pictures left, right, and centre. Villagio is like an Italian version of St.Vital Centre. If you could redo the insides of St.V to resemble small town bustling postcard Italy....AND put a river complete with gondolas....ok, AND a skating rink....then you would have the Villagio Mall. The goal last night was to buy an outfit to wear out to dinner this evening. For all you fashionistas, I would like to report that I was successful. One velvet t-shirt with loose boat neck, one drapey silvery grey cardigan, and one pair of grey/black tweedy dress pants. Of course, since then I have changed my mind and I think I will probably wear my jingle abaya, but that is the fun part about being on vacation, I can change my mind a thousand times if I want.

My dad and I went out for dinner to a place called Paul's Cafe. Now according to their menu, they've been fine French bakery around since 1889, but I never heard of them until last night....but that's OK because I'm a Canadian pigdog tourist, so blah. I had grilled salmon steak, served on a pile of asparagus, zucchini, and beet root. The salmon melted in my mouth. Heavenly!!! Something I noticed about Qatari malls, though, in relation to the restaurants. The malls have these GREAT WONDERFUL places to eat, that are not typically "mall" restaurants, but they are done up open concept style like an A&W would be. They have all the regular food court stuff like Pita Express, Cold Stone Creamery, etc but then in the middle of the mall will be this really swanky restaurant, but mall-if-ied. It's odd, but I am coming from a country where "mall culture" takes on an entirely different meaning. I have noted that there were no Shore Whores and other assorted trashy specimens walking through the malls of Doha. Everyone looked dressed up and the folks I've gotten to know have said that the mall is a big deal here. Which is probably why I felt underdressed, because when someone says to me, "Let's go to the mall for supper" I get an entirely different picture in my head.

We got coffee while there....I was unaware that the Cold Stone Creamery makes really good coffee....I've never been able to make it past those hot sexy young folks doing obscenely delicious things to ice cream to notice that there might be other things on the menu. But yeah.....coffee. We had coffee from there and when we left a tip in the jar, the Philipino kids behind the counter actually sang us a song - beautifully - thanking us for our generosity. OK.....riiiiight.....I looked over at my father who was enjoying the expression on my face. I think if anyone ever sang to a customer in Winnipeg, they might get clocked. Oh who am I kidding....the kids behind the counter at home can't even muster a "Thank you" half the time, let alone a song.

This morning I made breakfast for my parents. They are doing something called The 17 Day Diet....which has really been derailed during my visit so far, and I am doing something called The Paleo Diet, which I am fairly certain did not include a large Americano and a small cake batter ice cream with crushed pecans in a chocolate bowl....although in my defense, I am pretty sure that if my paleo ancestors had access to such a thing, they would have hunted it also. So there. Anyway, I have a recipe for pancakes made from almond flour that I made for them and they loved it. You all should try it, it's wonderful.

1.5 c of almond flour
1 level metric tsp baking soda (Don't heap baking soda. Bleeecchhh)
1 T Splenda or other sweetener of your choice (Optional)
1 handful of sliced or slivered almonds

Mix the dry ingredients together. In a separate bowl, combine:

2 large eggs
2 T olive oil
2 capfuls of white vinegar (If you don't want vinegar then also omit the baking soda because they go together. Use baking powder instead)

Mix the dry into the wet, let sit and heat/oil a frying pan. Cook like a regular pancake. This recipe makes 6 normal sized pancakes, using a 1/3 cup measure to portion the batter. They are lighter in texture and taste good, but obviously not like wheat-based pancakes. For all you carb counters, I think you can count one-two net carbs per pancake. Use coconut oil instead of butter and put a handful of berries on top of one pancake and you've got an ideal low carb meal that will satisfy the requirements of most of the low carb diets out there, such as Atkins, 17 Day, Dukhan, South Beach, etc, etc.

In closing, I would also like to mention that I killed a very big beetle. I made my mommy gag when I bludgeoned it to death with my boot, but there was no damned way I was picking that thing up with a tissue and nicely placing it outdoors, which is what she wanted. This thing was almost as big as the Winnipeg water beetles (which aren't actually from Winnipeg, but they came to visit, got some girlfriends and stuck around to keep things interesting.)  Let that image fill your mind and join me in a collective Manitoban shudder.....Eeeeewwwww.





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